In the Thick of It
By Joanne Guidoccio
When I enrolled in the Career Development Practitioner program at Conestoga College, I met with the course director and carefully planned the next two years of my life. I could continue working full time and take two online courses per trimester. I had even selected the order of courses so the more demanding courses would be taken during the summer months.
That was the fantasy.
The reality was very different.
The first trimester went smoothly. I successfully completed two of the introductory courses and awaited the start of the second trimester. During the next four years, I encountered a number of life challenges that extended the original time line to almost five years. My father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, entered a nursing home and died within that time; my mother’s Parkinson’s disease worsened; I was diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer and underwent ten months of treatment. Afterward, I had three additional cancer scares and developed hypothyroidism. As Rob Straby, the director of the program, often commented during that time, “Sometimes life happens and you just have to deal with it. But stay the course and complete the journey.”
I am grateful to Rob, my friends and family members who encouraged me to persevere and not quit while I was in the thick of it. Along the way, I developed a number of strategies and stress-busters that helped me cope with these life challenges.
Consider these suggestions if you feel your educational or career plans are being derailed:
Seek Support
The phone calls come out of nowhere and suddenly life changes on a dime. When that happens, surround yourself with supportive people. Sit down and talk with your family about ways they can help you balance household, work and school obligations. Let your friends and neighbours help you. Accept offers to bring over casseroles, drive children to their appointments, or drop off assignments. Distance yourself from any overly negative or critical people who drain your energy and make you feel worse. Visit your local settlement agency or Community Health Center (CHC). These organizations can provide translation services, counselling and other valuable information about health care and emergency services. If you have just received an unexpected diagnosis, ask an interpreter or someone who understands “med speak” to accompany you to your medical appointments. Bring a tape recorder with you. This will ensure that you do not miss any critical information or instructions.
If you are dealing with aging parents in another country, think and plan carefully before booking a flight. How critical is the situation? Are you needed at this time? Can another sibling or relative go instead? While you do want to be there for your parents, get all the details about their present condition before making any final decision.
Ask for Consideration
Contact your instructor if your work or family obligations make it impossible for you to complete an assignment by the deadline. Do not wait until the day before a deadline to ask for an extension. Instead, raise the issue as soon as you receive the phone call or diagnosis.
During the five-year span of my program, I spoke directly with six of my instructors and met personally with three of them. While I completed all the course work, I did require special consideration for a few of the courses. Instead of dropping courses, I asked for extensions on some assignments and coursework. I also emailed the members of my online study groups and kept them up to date with my situation.
Use a Journal
Set aside 15 to 20 minutes at the beginning or end of each day. Use this time to write in a journal or online personal blog. Feel free to rant about the situation, express fears and doubts, or dwell on daily events. Do not worry about proper grammar and sentence structure. As time progresses, you will notice changes in your writing style and content. Solutions will slowly emerge and may help you to improve your present situation. Afterward, you may find it rewarding to reread your journal entries and note the personal growth. Alternatively, you may wish to achieve closure by destroying the journal and moving on to the next chapter of your life.
Update Your Action Plan
Nothing is carved in stone. This old cliché comes in handy whenever you are in crisis mode. While it is important to set goals and create doable action plans, these must be examined and revised on a regular basis. In my case, a two-year plan stretched out into five years. Since I couldn’t take more than one course per trimester, I found myself focusing more on the material and getting more out of the assignments. When I took off a trimester, I spent time reading the texts and recommended material for future courses.
Stay in the Moment
Cultivate mindfulness and enjoy whatever you are doing in the present moment. For example, if you are spending quality time with your child or spouse, do not worry about the assignment that is due next week or feel guilty about the tuna casserole you have been serving for three days in a row. Take up one sport or hobby that forces you to pay attention. For example, when you play tennis, you must be aware of everything that is happening. You do not have time to worry about the shot you missed because another is coming right back at you. Similarly, you must concentrate when you play card games such as bridge or poker. If your attention strays, you risk losing the game.
Treat Yourself Kindly
It is so easy to automate your life with task lists and calendars. At times, it may feel like your life consists solely of assignments, tests, work obligations and family responsibilities. Try to incorporate one small change in your daily routine. Take a different route to work and focus on the new streets and landscape. Change your eating habits by trying a new recipe or restaurant.
Do not neglect your social life. Continue to celebrate holidays and other special occasions, and do not feel guilty about accepting that kind relative’s offer to host this year’s Christmas dinner. You can reciprocate at a later date. Participate in activities organized by your church and cultural organization.
Whenever you feel anxious, deeply and calmly breathe in and out. As you draw your next breath, focus on the rise of your abdomen on the in-breath and feel the sensation of the air as it fills your lungs and leaves through your nostrils. Clear your mind of any negative thoughts and focus on something positive and beautiful.
Release expectations. It doesn’t always have to be done perfectly and by you.
____________________________________________________________________________For 31 years, Joanne Guidoccio taught mathematics, computer science, business and career education courses in secondary schools throughout Ontario. Her articles and book reviews have been published in Canadian newspapers and online. She has bachelor’s degrees in mathematics and education and a Career Development Practitioner diploma.